One of the biggest things our mentors at Rodan and Fields talk about is figuring out “our why”. Why we joined, motivations to keep going and why we love what we do. In a nutshell, my why includes things like financial freedom, having something that is all my own and helping people. I really like this process – writing out exactly what my intentions behind joining were, and what keeps me going. It’s a great reminder and an exercise I think is really important. Beyond R+F, I think it’s a good mindset to implement into everything in life. Nothing is ever done without a reason, so why not dig deep and figure out the true intentions behind what you’re working for every day.
I started this blog because of a very personal set of why’s that I realized I needed to fulfill and work on. I’ve written a lot of posts, many that I read and re-read before hitting the big blue publish button. Many of those posts were deeply personal to me, and I wondered if (and doubted) people would relate or even care. With the exception of a few drafts that are straight up stream of conscious ramblings, I’m proud to say that I’ve never held back from publishing my thoughts. It hasn’t been without a lot of positive self talk and a little streak of crazy though. Thankfully, most of my posts have been received with SO MUCH positivity (whew). But I still get questions from time to time about why I do it… why I put myself out there.
So for those of you wondering why… here goes nothing.
I’ve always been honest and upfront with people, sometimes to a fault. If you are a friend of mine who was dating a dirtbag of a guy – you better believe that you knew I thought he wasn’t worth your time. I’m a “talk (or fight) it out” girl, and would always prefer to put things out there than bury feelings away to fester. I tend to set the bar high and think the people I love deserve every bit of happiness and nothing less. So I’ve always been good at telling it like it is, but one thing that I wasn’t so good at was putting myself out there – mostly for fear of judgement or worse, people making fun of me.
I swear something happens when you hit a certain age – I’m not sure when it happened exactly for me, but it was somewhere around 31 (coincidentally, right around when I started Staying Martha.) Maybe it was becoming a mom, or maybe I FINALLY realized that the only opinion that truly matters is my own. So I gave up feeling insecure and started letting go.
My Why: I’m not perfect and newsflash – no one is. STOP PROMOTING PERFECTION
Everyone has flaws, everyone falls down and makes a fool out of themselves from time to time, and everyone makes mistakes. I’m really sick of mom-shaming, people who judge on social media, and the perfectly curated Instagram streams that are everywhere. What I will say, is that I have found some pretty amazing people who DO keep it real, and aren’t afraid to pull back the curtain to show what life is really like. One thing I’ve tried to implement into my everyday life is to give encouragement to my real-life friends, and virtual friends alike. I know when I get a sweet comment on a Facebook post, or virtual fist bump of solidarity, it makes me feel good.
My Why: Life sucks sometimes and you’re not alone
It is 100% okay to not be okay. Being an adult certainly has its ups and downs, doesn’t it? Job stress, home stress, kid stress, financial stress, trying to be a social human stress… it’s all just too much sometimes. I really think it’s SO important to share the ups and downs so that people know 1. that they’re not crazy and 2. that they’re not alone.
My Why: Parenthood is a Joyful Shit Show
I mean, what more do I even really need to say here? I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into when Dane was born. Of course I knew I was going to LOVE him, and he would give me so much fulfillment in ways I didn’t even know. Of course I knew there would be challenges but oh my word, is there a learning curve. Just when I think we’ve reached a happy place, there’s something else that throws me completely off my game. Lucky for me – rolling with the punches has become a way of life.
My Why: Someone else is going through a similar situation
This might be the biggest, baddest why in my arsenal. If you’re going through something, you might feel like no one understands or couldn’t possibly know the emotions going through you. Well, I can guarantee someone will understand, someone will relate and that someone might NEED to hear you.
Everyone processes differently. Not everyone chooses to blast their personal business all over the Internet like me, but that doesn’t mean they’re not having the thoughts. I write because I know people will relate – I’m not the only person who’s dad is fighting terminal cancer, I’m not the only mom to ever feel like an absolute whale despite living the healthiest lifestyle I can muster, and I am certainly not the only person to struggle with anxiety and feeling like a failure. This blog has fueled friendships and connections for me with people who I never realized even read it… It’s because they related to something and reached out to say, hey thanks – it means a lot that you put it out there.
So think about it, what is your why?