If I had to pick a theme to summarize the past year, it would be a pretty easy choice. 2018 for me, has been about taking unimaginable and unfair situations and learning how to accept them at face value. What is that saying? Acceptance is the first step to recovery… well let me tell you, I’ve learned that yes, it absolutely is.
This year tested me. It’s challenges pushed me down to rock bottom and to a whole new realm of what my truth is and will be. Honestly it has sucked so much. Accepting things that aren’t fair is hard to do, and it’s not like it happened overnight. I had to cry and pray and wish to understand, but some things you just have to take, and push forward.
Through a lot of grit, I’ve learned how to accept my truth; my “situation” at this point in life. I’m a 33 year old cancer survivor. I will always deal with the fear of cancer coming back but I plan to live in a way that I don’t believe it will. I know that I will be continually working through all of this for a long time to come.
The biggest (and I think most meaningful) way I choose to cope is by sharing. This is not for everyone, I know, but for me… putting my journey out there for people to read about serves more than one purpose. I’m not afraid to talk about it, so if you see me – ask me, I’m an open book.
I write because it is free therapy that started out to be just for me, but has become so much more. Whenever I publish a blog post, I feel the overwhelming glow of love and support wrapping around me. I find comfort in people going through it, and solace in knowing I am not alone.
I also write because I want people to know that just because life is hard, or has been unfair to you – it doesn’t mean you have to give up. There are people all around you struggling with their own battles – the loss of a parent, spouse or child, health issues, chronic pain, divorce, anxiety, the pressure of being a new mom or financial worries.
We are ALL going through it. It’s okay to feel all of the feels for whatever situation you’re experiencing, and it’s totally okay to share. If we all stand up and support each other, can you imagine how much better the world would be?
I’m mad that I got cancer even though I am young, and I was healthy then, and I exercised and did all of the right things… but cancer could care less. I’ve learned to accept the fact that I may never know why I got cancer or if I could have prevented it. I’ve accepted the loss of 6 healthy months of my life to chemotherapy induced zombie-status. I’ve accepted that adding another family member and giving Dane a brother or sister is going to take a lot longer than we had hoped. I’ve accepted that nothing is promised.
I’ve decided to make some changes for a healthier life, but have accepted that I can’t and won’t be perfect because life throws curve balls (and toddlers are unpredictable.) So I’ll do my very best. I’ll eat well, and exercise and continue to share because it helps me so much.
As we head fast and furious into Christmas, I’m a mixed bag of emotions – thankful, sad, proud and hopeful. And in theme with this blog’s title, I’m accepting each emotion and giving myself permission to feel them all.
Thanks as always for coming along on this ride with me.