34: The Year of Self Love

My birthday is on Thursday… it’s kind of a special one because this year I get to celebrate being alive and healthy. I can drive to work, and feel the cold air on my face or appreciate the beauty of the falling snow. Usually right about now, I reflect and the trend has been determining that the past year has been really tough. It’s been a lot of years since I said, “wow, what an easy, fun year”… That sucks, and I’m hoping to change that in 2019.

The past year has me feeling all of the feels. There were good things yes, but there were so many more bad things. I smashed down to rock bottom and was tested more than I have ever been. I also learned just how strong I am, and I am thankful for that.

It’s my first birthday without my dad. The way I feel about that fact is really impossible to describe. I miss him so much. It’s been hitting me hard lately, and I think it’s because as my life is slowly feeling more normal, the void where he was is becoming more apparent. I miss his ability to stabilize the family… without him sometimes things seem so out of control. We’re doing our best though and the reminders of him are all around us.

Last year I just had to make it through each day. There was so much grief, sadness and instability. It was put your head down, get it done and worry about the rest later. Cancer blazed a trail through my life – starting with my dad’s journey, and ending with mine. It took so much from me and here I am, wondering how to rebuild and how to heal.

This is the year of self-love. It is a year of kindness, of saying no, of being more mindful of my choices and giving myself so much grace. This year is about working hard to live purposefully and with gratitude. This year I will travel, and indulge in things that are meaningful to me. I will put myself first, rest when I need to rest, and remember how far I’ve come. I’ve learned a lot about stress – where it comes from, how to calm it and how to avoid it.

I’m thrilled about turning 34 and feeling more determined than ever to love myself and have an “easy” year. I deserve it, and I pray I’ve done enough to make it happen.

Posted by

Wisconsin wife and mama to Dane (4) and expecting baby girl in May. Navigating life post-cancer. Lover of food, red wine and laughs. Forever grateful for my wonderful life.

4 thoughts on “34: The Year of Self Love

  1. Dear Sweet Martha,
    Your words are PROFOUND!!! Do you know how healing and helpful your message is for others? You are amazing!!! You are strong even when you feel weak. You are resilient despite dark times. You search when you feel lost. You inspire even when you are struggling. And you’re a wonderful daughter in whom your Dad is very proud!! Watch and listen closely and you will feel his presence. He is by your side. He wants you to be happy. And your message today shows you are well on your way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARTHA and a Blessed, Self Love, Happy Year Ahead!!
    Ps. You’re Always in my Prayers!


  2. The first year after losing my Dad was tough. You have had many obstacles and a lot of heartache. How you have coped and fought is truly remarkable. Someone told me that God gives us the inner strength to overcome and we get stronger because He gives us what we can handle. May God bless and keep you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s