Finally, An Update

I’m very aware of how long it’s been since I’ve written… the longest in fact, since this blog’s very beginning three years ago. I can’t tell you how many people have reached out saying they miss my blogs and updates.

I have my reasons for being so absent of course. Mainly I’ve been busy readjusting to this life post-cancer. I’ll admit that it has not been an easy few months.

It’s a constant dichotomy between feeling happy/thankful/blessed to be here and working and carrying on like a perfectly normal person who didn’t just evade dying of cancer, and my brain feeling like mashed bananas nonstop.

I’m working on getting back into a routine at work, finding a good balance with home life and parenting, and reminding myself to put my health first in a once-again chaotic and busy world.

Let me tell you this, my friends: life after cancer is weird. On one hand, I look normal, (well with the exception of my insane hair), I function like an actual human being and I’m keeping up with all.the.things. My days feel like they use to, lists of to-dos, meal planning and trying to find the motivation to exercise. Gone are the days of treatments and tests. It’s very structured now, and I so appreciate that.

On the other hand, I feel like all the “normal” is a bit of an act. I’m trying really hard to fool people around me into thinking I’m good; I’m back. I GOT THIS. But the truth really is, I’m fooling myself a little bit too.

One of the truest truths I’ve learned so far is that I’m allowed to not be 100%. It’s okay for me to struggle to understand something I once tackled with ease. For example, I use to be great at using Photoshop. Not an expert by any means, but efficient. A couple of weeks ago I opened the program at work to edit a template for one of our social media accounts and my brain went blank. The edit was two steps, but I hadn’t a clue where to start. Thanks to Google, I got there, but I beat myself up over it for a long time.

That’s what chemo does.

I feel like it made me DUMB. I have a hard time remembering names, or I find myself asking, “what’s that called when….” a lot. I hate it. I struggle especially with technical things (like Photoshop) or focusing long enough to sit down and write a blog. Maybe that’s why I’ve been putting off writing for so long, I’m not sure. Either way, I know that I can’t kill myself trying to be the same person I was before cancer.

Either way, I’m working through it and I wanted you guys to know that. Slowly, this blog will gain steam again…I promise. Sending my love.

Posted by

Wisconsin girl, breast cancer survivor, wife and mama. Lover of food, red wine and laughs. Forever grateful for my wonderful life.

2 thoughts on “Finally, An Update

  1. You’re doing ABSOLUTELY great! Just take time to Heal. It’s a journey, not a destination. You’re Dad is so proud right now. But take time to celebrate your dad as well…

    Liked by 1 person

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